I bet he comes in French.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
