the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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