there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
