hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
