i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We just shotgunned beers for America
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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