fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
