Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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