Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
