I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
