id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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