Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it glows. i had to have it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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