I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize