Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
