Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
