Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
