its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
