Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
