My sheets look like a crime scene.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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