4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
