i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
