I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
