I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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