Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
