P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Congratulations! We have a period
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
