From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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