how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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