You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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