You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
