Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
