Just fell off a train. Bad.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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