Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
