can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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