She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
