so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
