remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
