My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
