He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
as a side note pls kill me
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