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It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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