Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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