Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
