I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
