So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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