He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
