I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
