not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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