He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
