Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
