Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
my poor anus
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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