I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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