win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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