oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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