There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
