Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
